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| Del Fuego's Perfect Scooter |
 A colleague of mine posed this question today… “If a manufacturer came to you and told you they were going to build your ideal scooter, what would it be?†well to give you a hint he is the guy who’s perfect scooter was named something along the lines of the “greased mongoose chasing a cobra up an oily pole while screaming I am a golden god and you cannot catch me ever†which struck me as kind of a long name… oh well each to their own. This is a hard one but let me give it a shot. I am a big fan of a more classic style scooter and I want something that sets me apart from the crowd. So the scooter would have to be fairly retro in design. In this instance I think my choice would be something in the vein of an old school Italian Lambretta or Vespa. Next up, I don’t want it to be the same as every other retro scoot on the road so it has to be customisable without huge amounts of effort. Everything needs to be bolt on bolt off so I can replace pretty much anything I want easily, I’m not saying that I want to ride with ape hanger handlebars and a giant star shaped exhaust but I want to be able to attach one if one day I loose my mind and decide that is the way to go. So how does this work in real life? Simple really the bike just needs to be of a fairly basic construction; think of an adult Mechano set with some style. What else? Well I have a tendency of dropping bikes because I am a Muppet, however I like to do my own repairs which means metal rather than plastic bodywork. Ok so what do we have so far: a retro styled, metal, easily customisable Mechano set that will last. I am missing something… oh yes power… this thing needs plenty, not ridiculous 200bhp or anything but I would expect at least a 250cc engine making somewhere between 40 and 60hp to allow touring, overtaking and perhaps some racing when I am that way inclined. Oh yeah and it should be light, I know it is asking a lot but it should be UNDER 150kgs if humanly possible… oh and it needs to stop, and go around corners so twin discs front and disc rear with some serious callipers and maybe ABS, along with a heavy duty sport style suspension setup. And it absolutely positively has to be CVT… I really am asking rather a lot! So my perfect manifestation of this scooter: 50bhp, matte black paint or even just bare metal left to rust then clear coated so the metal remains sound but the rust remains. Along with this it would have chrome accents, red wheels with whitewall tyres and a huge couch like seat in suede. Running the horn out of the General Lee and custom curved bars. So in short it is the ultimate sleeper, in normal speak my bike will look like a pile of crap, similar in concept to a “rat†styled hotrod. But with enough acceleration to make a sports-bike rider confused. This machine could just as easily be purchased, ready to ride in a beautiful sparkly paint scheme reminiscent of a perfectly restored 1960’s Lambretta, but with the power to put a serious smile on your face and all the modern convenience that makes a scooter useful. So what to call this marvel of my imagination? I have already said that “greased Ferret chasing a roasted pistachio up a steep incline wrapped in kitchen film, howling at the moon†is too damned long… and not really sophisticated enough for this particular motorcycle. So what should it be… it needs that retro Italian flavour… “the linguini†no that’s not very cool, “Pompino†that’s just a little rude even if it may get you one… Ahah! I have it… could it ever have been anything other than “the Del Fuego†too vain you say… rubbish! This is my fantasy and if I want to name it for myself I damn well will!
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